Seven days. 10,080 minutes. 604,800 seconds. That's the time that I have managed to survive since the love of my life, my other half, my partner in life and best friend took his last breath. I can describe those days, minutes and seconds with a whole list of adjectives but the one that sticks out prodominetly is numb. It's like a huge bucket of lidicane has been poured over my head, leaving me in a fog. This is not how I expected to feel. I expected to be unable to function and so over come with grief, loss and anger that just getting out of bed would be impossible. Don't get me wrong, I've cried. I've screamed. I've felt the shortness of breath and racing heart that hints a full blown anxiety attach is about to unfold but for the past 6 days, I've been numb.
We knew the events of last Sunday would darken our lives eventually. Very few receive the news that Pancreatic Cancer has invaded their bodies and NOT exited our humanly world eariler than planned. There are some and my heart is simply over joyed for those individuals and their families. Overjoyed that they are getting a second chance and living life. Overjoyed that they are not experiencing this numbness. I pray each and every day for this horrific disease stays at bay in their bodies. What we didn't expect was for the last page of Brad's life story to be dated April 21, 2024. That caught us by surprise and simply took our breath away and forever changed our lives.
I'm not positive yet what my goals are for this little blog thing. What I do know is that writing has been therapeutic for me throughout this whole journey and while Brad's journey has come to a close, a new journey is beginning for me. One that I know is going to be painful, scary, incredibly hard, lonely and long. It's one that will put to me to the test as I have never ever been tested before. While I know Brad has made a huge impact on so very very many people in his short 45 years, I also firmly believe he has more work to do. His death at the hands of cancer can not be just simply that. There has to be a reason why he isn't still here with us and since the first weeks after we found out the news, I've felt a huge pull to raise awareness and do what I can to make an impact in increasing the survival rate. So maybe my writing and this "blog" can be a source and an outlet to do just that. Time will tell.
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I love your words and the strength that you share with everyone hang in there, girl it’ll get better. Love you.
I'm sorry
I have been Reading all your updates and posts the last few months. The other day, for some reason, I had thought man, I need to tell her to start a blog. You are incredibly talented with your words and expressing yourself. I believe it truly is your calling. ❤️