God’s timing. It’s a weird timeline that I’ve been struggling to comprehend and understand recently. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make life easy to navigate. It’s painful. It’s gut-wrenching and it’s confusing. It can flip our world upside down and leave us feeling vulnerable and questioning everything we’ve known. The sands of the hourglass that God controls do not measure the same as the hourglass that sits on our mantles. No matter how deep one’s faith runs with God, his timing can leave us questioning and doubting. Here recently, I’ve found myself doubting God’s timing regarding Brad’s timing. How can a God who is so great have allowed such a beautiful spirit as Brad to be wrecked with such a horrible disease? How was it in His plan to take him from us all at such a young age?
“I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. At last, the champion’s wreath that is awarded for righteousness is waiting for me. The Lord, who is the righteous judge, is going to give it to me on that day. He’s giving it not only to me but also to all those who have set their heart on waiting for His appearance.” 2 Timothy 4:7-8
This passage was laid out in a bible study I’ve been doing this summer on grief. It’s a 4-week study that has literally taken me all summer to get halfway through but today I found myself picking it back up. This was the main verse for today’s entry along with the words that I desperately needed to read. Basically, there is no right way to go about this grief journey I’m on and that all of you reading are likely on as well. We can only navigate this path in our own way with the help of God and our loved ones who have went ahead of us.
I don’t understand the why nor will I ever. I will never understand why I’m supposed to live the rest of my life without Brad in it. Why the boys have to live their lives without their dad. Why his family and friends must experience life without his infectious smile brightening each day. What I do know is that we will see him again. We will laugh with him. We will be able to walk hand in hand with him and our Lord. They both are with us every single day. Encouraging us to feel the emotions, providing the tears when we need them while wiping them away and reminding us that we can move forward. We can find happiness in our lives. We can experience new good times while remembering all the precious moments we had with Brad.
Sometimes God’s timeline is not something we are supposed to understand. It’s just something we must have faith in, trust in and lean on to help get us through.
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