Delusion is here again and I think you’ll come home soon.
A word brings me right back in.
Then it’s only me that’s in this room
I guess I could just pretend
The colors are more than blue
But I lost more than my friend
I can’t help but missing you
I pictured this month a little bit different
No one is ever ready
And when it unfolds, you get in a hole
Oh, how can it be this heavy?
Everything changes, nothing’s the same
Except the truth is now you’re gone
And life just goes on.
So I’m dancing with my eye closed.
‘Cause everywhere I look, I still see you
And time is moving so slow
And I don’t know what else that I can do
So I’ll keep dancing with my eyes closed.
Last night I managed to fall asleep with the playlist going that I made in the days after you left. On one of those first nights where I laid in our bed wide awake, missing you. How my phone stayed on all night is beyond me since I also forgot to plug it in too. And we know how my phone always seems to need to be charged. Anyway, when I woke up this morning, the morning marking One Month since you’ve been gone, this song was playing. When the fog cleared from my eyes and my ears, the second verse of Ed Sheeran’s Eyes Closed was in full swing. Now, I know you probably never listened to this song here on Earth, but you may have overheard it coming from my speakers before. Regardless, it was playing, and I thought of you and I knew you were here with me.
I catch myself looking for your truck to come down the road each day around 5:00. I keep thinking you will walk through the door any moment. Lance cleaned out the garage yesterday and when I walked in, I could see you everywhere. Sitting on the stool, sipping a cold Bud Light, anxious to tell me about your day. Sharing with me the highs and lows of it. Listening to how my day went and inevitable discussing what we wanted for supper knowing both of us would say neither of us cared. I feel and see you everywhere and yet nowhere all at the same time. My heart and gut feels you here yet my eyes long to gaze into yours just one more time.
One month. That’s how long we’ve been missing you. 2,628,002 seconds. 43,800 minutes. 730 hours. Seems like both an eternity and a blink of an eye all at the same time. I know you are watching us. With us. Loving us from Heaven. I know you are at peace. And I also know you are doing everything you can to help me and all the rest of us missing you, find peace in you not being here.
One month without you and I’m going to just keep dancing with my eyes closed.
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